Ways to raise money for IVF:
Get a second job
This applies to Tony and myself but is far too slow a way to raise money thanks to taxes.
Get an under the table paying job
I don't know where to find one of these so this is probably a no go.
Get a job as a sex worker
Hehe, yeah right. I say "pimp out the hubby!" (Kidding people, only kidding.)
Make and sell some amputee porn
Tony and I theorize that there must be people out there that like this, it is kind of a running joke.
Sell all of my jewelry
This one is actually kind of serious. I probably will sell the stash of necklaces I've made the last couple of years. I've been meaning to for a while now and this is the perfect reason.
Stick Tony out at a busy intersection sans leg with a sign
There are a lot of these people out there that do this, I think Tony would automatically do better at it because he's missing a leg!
Rob a bank
Unfortunately ski masks do nothing for me :-)
Win the lottery
Or have someone we know win and give us the money!
So... As you can see, most of these things are a joke. Well all but one of them is a joke. But how to make/save some extra money is definitely at the forefront of my mind. Especially because we pretty much decided on the IVF. It really is the best shot (if you haven't read about my appointment, go here.)
Tony is currently working on a placement that is a good start to these funds, but we can't afford to spend everything we make on this, no matter how much we want a baby. We could take out a loan, but we really would like to avoid that if possible. We don't live an extravagant life. We don't take lavish vacations or buy designer clothing. Heck, my car is 11 years old now. We will find a way to pay for this. We will figure it out and finally start our family. We will...
We talked about waiting until next year. Giving ourselves more time to
raise the money. But now, we are so close! Neither of us want to wait
any longer. We want to start growing our family. To have a child.
Right at this moment I am very optimistic. But my optimism is sometime missing. I seem to be cycling between depression and excitement. Depression because its just one more obstacle. And its a pretty big obstacle too, $6,000 big... And excitement because we are so close! This could happen in December! That's only two months away really. In two months I could have a child (or two) growing inside of me.
I can't wait for my Mom to get home on Friday so that I can share all of this with her. Not to mention I'm homesick and miss my two guys! Only two more nights of sleeping in another bed without my hubby. Only two more nights of dinner for one and no cat lap warmer. I can't wait to go home!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Options for my fertility challenges
Today was the big day, my first fertility appointment with Dr. C. Tony and I got to the doctor's office right around 10 am. We didn't have to wait long before a nurse came to get me for a vitals check. I'm still alive if anyone's wondering. After going over my chart and blood pressure and stuff she took me back to the waiting room to wait for Dr. C to be free.
A few minutes later they came to get us and showed us to Dr. C's office. He talked to us for a little bit and went through my symptoms and history. Then came the fun part (sarcasm). The actual exam. Tony and I were shown into an exam room and I was told to undress completely and put on the gown. I'm still surprised that the gown was actual cotton and not those HORRIBLE paper things!
While I was changing into my fashionable exam gown Tony and I had a discussion about if I should remove my socks. I only mention this because Tony told me they'd left me booties to put on. When I glanced back at the table I realized he was talking about the stirrup covers! Haha. Once the doctor came in he checked my lungs and did a breast exam. Then he began the ultrasound.
I really couldn't tell what was up on the monitor. It all looked like a grainy set of three circles within each other. I learned that I have a tipped uterus which can complicate fertilization. My Mom also has a tipped uterus, I wonder if it is genetic. Next he proceeded to check my ovaries and confirm my diagnosis. He also took the vaginal wand and turned it this way and that to see if I had any pain, I didn't which I would assume is a good thing. But man, it felt really strange!
After that I got dressed and we headed back to Dr. C's. office. He broke it down for us and even drew out a diagram of what exactly is happening with PCOS. Next came our initial plan of action and some options. He gave us two different options, one of them with two versions.
The first version of option one was to take a medication called Femara. Femara is actually used for breast cancer but this is an off label use, its supposed to balance the excessive testosterone levels. After taking this for a cycle of on certain days I would have to have IUI or intrauterine insemination. This is exactly what it sounds like, place sperm in vagina. Yup.
The second version of option one was to use injectable fertility medications such as Follistim at a low dose. Then I would have to do the IUI. If I didn't ovulate the level of medication would be raised and we'd start over.
The success rate of the two options above is about 14%. Yikes. Not very reassuring.
The second option was IVF or in vitro fertilization. In this there would be two separate procedures. The first would be a minor surgical procedure to retrieve eggs. They would then implant two fertilized eggs. The odds of this are 75% with a 40% chance of twins (and a tiny percent chance of three,)
Next they moved us on to see the nurse in her office. Sarah was very nice and very patient. She broke down all of the options in more detail and answered our questions. She then gave us the run down on what happens next. She also gave me a cheat sheet so I don't forget anything, love that!
First I have to have a period. A bad period as Dr. C explained it. They gave me a prescription for Prometrium 200 mg. I will be taking two of these at bedtime for twelve days. This should induce a uterine lining spring cleaning of sorts. It was suggested that I stock up on ibuprofen because I'm going to need it in 10 to 20 days.
As soon as my period starts I have to have a blood test for ovarian function. This part's kind of cool. The day my period starts I call this company and they will set up a test between days two and four. Then, this is the cool part, they come to me where ever I am to administer my blood test! They come to me! To my work, to my home, where ever. Awesome!
Sometime after this I have to go and get another blood test performed for insulin resistance (called DHEA-S), Prolactin (this is a hormone dealing with ovulation), testosterone, and a pregnancy test (just to be sure.) This will give us a baseline and guide for how much of what to give me to create an ovulation.
Sarah then sent us to the billing specialist who broke down what my insurance benefits are and estimated costs for each service. My insurance is apparently pretty awesome and they cover 50% of everything up to a $10,000 maximum lifetime benefit. This will give us two shots at IVF and possibly part of a third.
The cost from the fertility specialists fees of IUI verses IVF are pretty close. IUI is about $619 without the medications. IVF is about $691 without the medications or the hospital fees. The hospital fees are estimated at about $3,000 and $2,500 for the medications. So the difference between the two services is about $3,000, and 14% verses 75%.
IVF is clearly the better option. I had been anti-IVF based on the cost estimates I found online. But here's the thing... The odds of success are so low with IUI that it seems a safe bet that I would have to have multiple treatments. That's multiple rounds of medication, multiple office visit fees, multiple IUI fees. And the odds are so low!
IVF is what I would like to do. Better percentages, but also a risk of multiples. And I have to confess that I've always loved the idea of twins. But the idea of actually having TWO BABIES AT ONCE is a little scary. But Tony and I both would like more than one child and if we did end up with two, we'd be done.
Now here's the big issue. What can we actually afford. We aren't exactly rolling in money and this damned economy really doesn't help in Tony's line of work. Things are better now, but the past two years were a little rough. There will definitely be some serious number crunching in our near future.
I'm hoping we can get a little help coming up with this money. Somehow. There are no payment schedules, it has to be paid within thirty day. But again, we have to sit down and talk. I had to rush to work as soon as my appointment was over so we didn't really have any time.
We have a lot to talk about. A lot to think about. But Dr. C said our chances are very good...
On a side note, the entire office staff was so nice. We were at the office for nearly two hours. They were very through. Very professional. I never once felt rushed, or like they were thinking about their next appointment. We had their whole focus while we were in front of them. Tony liked the office staff too, he said it was an improvement from his doctor's stuck-up staff, haha!
A few minutes later they came to get us and showed us to Dr. C's office. He talked to us for a little bit and went through my symptoms and history. Then came the fun part (sarcasm). The actual exam. Tony and I were shown into an exam room and I was told to undress completely and put on the gown. I'm still surprised that the gown was actual cotton and not those HORRIBLE paper things!
While I was changing into my fashionable exam gown Tony and I had a discussion about if I should remove my socks. I only mention this because Tony told me they'd left me booties to put on. When I glanced back at the table I realized he was talking about the stirrup covers! Haha. Once the doctor came in he checked my lungs and did a breast exam. Then he began the ultrasound.
I really couldn't tell what was up on the monitor. It all looked like a grainy set of three circles within each other. I learned that I have a tipped uterus which can complicate fertilization. My Mom also has a tipped uterus, I wonder if it is genetic. Next he proceeded to check my ovaries and confirm my diagnosis. He also took the vaginal wand and turned it this way and that to see if I had any pain, I didn't which I would assume is a good thing. But man, it felt really strange!
After that I got dressed and we headed back to Dr. C's. office. He broke it down for us and even drew out a diagram of what exactly is happening with PCOS. Next came our initial plan of action and some options. He gave us two different options, one of them with two versions.
The first version of option one was to take a medication called Femara. Femara is actually used for breast cancer but this is an off label use, its supposed to balance the excessive testosterone levels. After taking this for a cycle of on certain days I would have to have IUI or intrauterine insemination. This is exactly what it sounds like, place sperm in vagina. Yup.
The second version of option one was to use injectable fertility medications such as Follistim at a low dose. Then I would have to do the IUI. If I didn't ovulate the level of medication would be raised and we'd start over.
The success rate of the two options above is about 14%. Yikes. Not very reassuring.
The second option was IVF or in vitro fertilization. In this there would be two separate procedures. The first would be a minor surgical procedure to retrieve eggs. They would then implant two fertilized eggs. The odds of this are 75% with a 40% chance of twins (and a tiny percent chance of three,)
Next they moved us on to see the nurse in her office. Sarah was very nice and very patient. She broke down all of the options in more detail and answered our questions. She then gave us the run down on what happens next. She also gave me a cheat sheet so I don't forget anything, love that!
First I have to have a period. A bad period as Dr. C explained it. They gave me a prescription for Prometrium 200 mg. I will be taking two of these at bedtime for twelve days. This should induce a uterine lining spring cleaning of sorts. It was suggested that I stock up on ibuprofen because I'm going to need it in 10 to 20 days.
As soon as my period starts I have to have a blood test for ovarian function. This part's kind of cool. The day my period starts I call this company and they will set up a test between days two and four. Then, this is the cool part, they come to me where ever I am to administer my blood test! They come to me! To my work, to my home, where ever. Awesome!
Sometime after this I have to go and get another blood test performed for insulin resistance (called DHEA-S), Prolactin (this is a hormone dealing with ovulation), testosterone, and a pregnancy test (just to be sure.) This will give us a baseline and guide for how much of what to give me to create an ovulation.
Sarah then sent us to the billing specialist who broke down what my insurance benefits are and estimated costs for each service. My insurance is apparently pretty awesome and they cover 50% of everything up to a $10,000 maximum lifetime benefit. This will give us two shots at IVF and possibly part of a third.
The cost from the fertility specialists fees of IUI verses IVF are pretty close. IUI is about $619 without the medications. IVF is about $691 without the medications or the hospital fees. The hospital fees are estimated at about $3,000 and $2,500 for the medications. So the difference between the two services is about $3,000, and 14% verses 75%.
IVF is clearly the better option. I had been anti-IVF based on the cost estimates I found online. But here's the thing... The odds of success are so low with IUI that it seems a safe bet that I would have to have multiple treatments. That's multiple rounds of medication, multiple office visit fees, multiple IUI fees. And the odds are so low!
IVF is what I would like to do. Better percentages, but also a risk of multiples. And I have to confess that I've always loved the idea of twins. But the idea of actually having TWO BABIES AT ONCE is a little scary. But Tony and I both would like more than one child and if we did end up with two, we'd be done.
Now here's the big issue. What can we actually afford. We aren't exactly rolling in money and this damned economy really doesn't help in Tony's line of work. Things are better now, but the past two years were a little rough. There will definitely be some serious number crunching in our near future.
I'm hoping we can get a little help coming up with this money. Somehow. There are no payment schedules, it has to be paid within thirty day. But again, we have to sit down and talk. I had to rush to work as soon as my appointment was over so we didn't really have any time.
We have a lot to talk about. A lot to think about. But Dr. C said our chances are very good...
On a side note, the entire office staff was so nice. We were at the office for nearly two hours. They were very through. Very professional. I never once felt rushed, or like they were thinking about their next appointment. We had their whole focus while we were in front of them. Tony liked the office staff too, he said it was an improvement from his doctor's stuck-up staff, haha!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Less than 12 hours
Until my first appointment with Dr. C. Tony is coming with me. I do have a case of the nerves, but I expected that. I will post all the details tomorrow evening, promise. Hope everyone had a great, relaxing weekend. Off to bed with me now!
Friday, September 23, 2011
I think I swallowed a pin cushion
So that sore throat I was talking about yesterday. It's still here! And worse than ever. It feels like my throat is sticking to itself and that every time I swallow or talk it rips apart. Or perhaps I swallowed a pin cushion like the title of this post... My voice is even all messed up.
So I bought a bag of Honey Luden's and proceeded to pop them like they were crack all day at work while sipping on hot water. Plain, hot, water. Yuck, but oh it felt soooooooo good. It was helping too, until I managed to cut my tongue on a cough drop. My husband says he's had this happen to him before, but it's a first of me.
I'm off tomorrow. Yeah! I'm meeting up with a couple friends tomorrow morning. And my evening will be spent with my hubby playing some Gears of War 3 on the 360. Yeah! I love the Gears games!
Batch three of my breakfast cookie just came out of the oven a little while ago. I simmered some apples in cinnamon this time before adding them to the cookie dough. I haven't tried one yet, but man do they smell good. But after a fantastic dinner I am just not hungry. (And just so no one thinks I'm baking dozens of cookies a day, I'm doing super small batches. This last one consisted of eight cookies, perfect size to test drive a new recipe.)
I made a wonderful chicken dish for dinner. Boneless skinless chicken breast pan fried in olive oil until its very slightly golden. Then I added one crushed clove of garlic, 1/3 cup parmesan cheese, and some frozen spinach. I simmered all of that on low for 15 minutes and YUM! The cheese makes a crispy coating and the spinach is delish! I definitely will make this again, its quick and so easy. I was going to take a picture of it but I forgot to bring my camera cord to upload it onto the computer. So maybe next time!
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
So I bought a bag of Honey Luden's and proceeded to pop them like they were crack all day at work while sipping on hot water. Plain, hot, water. Yuck, but oh it felt soooooooo good. It was helping too, until I managed to cut my tongue on a cough drop. My husband says he's had this happen to him before, but it's a first of me.
I'm off tomorrow. Yeah! I'm meeting up with a couple friends tomorrow morning. And my evening will be spent with my hubby playing some Gears of War 3 on the 360. Yeah! I love the Gears games!
Batch three of my breakfast cookie just came out of the oven a little while ago. I simmered some apples in cinnamon this time before adding them to the cookie dough. I haven't tried one yet, but man do they smell good. But after a fantastic dinner I am just not hungry. (And just so no one thinks I'm baking dozens of cookies a day, I'm doing super small batches. This last one consisted of eight cookies, perfect size to test drive a new recipe.)
I made a wonderful chicken dish for dinner. Boneless skinless chicken breast pan fried in olive oil until its very slightly golden. Then I added one crushed clove of garlic, 1/3 cup parmesan cheese, and some frozen spinach. I simmered all of that on low for 15 minutes and YUM! The cheese makes a crispy coating and the spinach is delish! I definitely will make this again, its quick and so easy. I was going to take a picture of it but I forgot to bring my camera cord to upload it onto the computer. So maybe next time!
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Movie crazy
I'm going movie crazy here and my Mom's house. I've watched a bunch since Tuesday.
With the exception of The Social Network, it seems to be a suspense/thriller theme week. I've seen all of these before except Devil and The Final Destination, but while I sand away at my homemade frame its perfect.
I've also been baking while I watch. I've made two batches of flour free, sugar free breakfast cookies. The first batch was too sweet, but still tasty. I made that batch with almond meal, butter, Splenda, vanilla, an egg, cinnamon, apples, dried cranberries, and walnuts. The cookies are high in protein and low in carbs and calories. My goal is to have something quick and filling for breakfast. But as I said the first batch was a little too sweet.
My second batch just came out of the oven. This one has almond meal, flax meal, butter, vanilla, an egg, apples, dried cranberries, dried blueberries, and walnuts. I forgot the cinnamon that I intended to use, oops. I used less butter in this batch too. This batch is a little bland but strangely addictive. I think a little less flax meal and a little more almond meal for improved color and texture, and some cinnamon for extra flavor for my next batch. Once I've got the winning version down I'll share that recipe on here. I'll also attempt to figure out exactly how many calories, carbs, etc are in them.
My second class was today. I've had a horrible sore throat all day so that made talking for over four hours lots of fun. But otherwise the class went fine. I sincerely hope I am not getting sick and this sore throat isn't the beginning of a cold. My appointment with Dr. C. is next Monday! I don't want to have to reschedule. Who knows how long it would be before I could get in again?
Just to be on the safe side, I'm going to hit the sack early tonight, after chugging some OJ and popping a vitamin. I'm kind of looking forward to sleep anyway. Once again I was up before the sun today because of my class and the dog. Tomorrow I don't start work until 10am which means I'm not getting my butt out of bed before 8am. Thank goodness!
The Thing
One of my favorites!
Devil
Eh... Don't bother.
Legion
Not great, the Prophecy was way better but i do so love apocalyptic movies.
The Final Destination
They really should have stopped making these
The Social Network
A must see and I love the soundtrack. Trent Reznor is the man!
Pitch Black
Such a great sci-fi/thriller!
With the exception of The Social Network, it seems to be a suspense/thriller theme week. I've seen all of these before except Devil and The Final Destination, but while I sand away at my homemade frame its perfect.
I've also been baking while I watch. I've made two batches of flour free, sugar free breakfast cookies. The first batch was too sweet, but still tasty. I made that batch with almond meal, butter, Splenda, vanilla, an egg, cinnamon, apples, dried cranberries, and walnuts. The cookies are high in protein and low in carbs and calories. My goal is to have something quick and filling for breakfast. But as I said the first batch was a little too sweet.
My second batch just came out of the oven. This one has almond meal, flax meal, butter, vanilla, an egg, apples, dried cranberries, dried blueberries, and walnuts. I forgot the cinnamon that I intended to use, oops. I used less butter in this batch too. This batch is a little bland but strangely addictive. I think a little less flax meal and a little more almond meal for improved color and texture, and some cinnamon for extra flavor for my next batch. Once I've got the winning version down I'll share that recipe on here. I'll also attempt to figure out exactly how many calories, carbs, etc are in them.
My second class was today. I've had a horrible sore throat all day so that made talking for over four hours lots of fun. But otherwise the class went fine. I sincerely hope I am not getting sick and this sore throat isn't the beginning of a cold. My appointment with Dr. C. is next Monday! I don't want to have to reschedule. Who knows how long it would be before I could get in again?
Just to be on the safe side, I'm going to hit the sack early tonight, after chugging some OJ and popping a vitamin. I'm kind of looking forward to sleep anyway. Once again I was up before the sun today because of my class and the dog. Tomorrow I don't start work until 10am which means I'm not getting my butt out of bed before 8am. Thank goodness!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The power of words
You may not have noticed, but I really try to avoid using the word "infertility." Instead I try to refer to my situation as a "fertility challenge." It may not seem like such a big difference to most, but to me it feels like two different worlds.
No one can deny that words have power. Back in high school, if enough people started calling someone a nerd, they then became a nerd in the eyes of the school's population. And you've all probably heard that expression that if you say something out loud you make it real. When something unbelievable happens, most people tend to repeat it out loud over and over. It makes it real.
Infertility means unable to conceive... Barren... I don't want to make that real. I am not barren! It is not impossible for me to have a baby. It just isn't as simple as it would be for someone else. I refuse to say that I can not have a child, not at this point anyways. The fat lady has not sung. There is still hope. It just requires some medical intervention to make it happen. To make me ovulate...
If I were younger and that damned biological clock wasn't ticking away, I might have time to try to reverse this on my own, without medical intervention. If I had time to lose a lot of weight I might start ovulating all on my own. But I don't have years to work on this. Not with that 35 year deadline staring at me.
So I am fertility challenged. I can get pregnant, I just need help.
Because in the end, it's all about how you see something.
No one can deny that words have power. Back in high school, if enough people started calling someone a nerd, they then became a nerd in the eyes of the school's population. And you've all probably heard that expression that if you say something out loud you make it real. When something unbelievable happens, most people tend to repeat it out loud over and over. It makes it real.
Infertility means unable to conceive... Barren... I don't want to make that real. I am not barren! It is not impossible for me to have a baby. It just isn't as simple as it would be for someone else. I refuse to say that I can not have a child, not at this point anyways. The fat lady has not sung. There is still hope. It just requires some medical intervention to make it happen. To make me ovulate...
If I were younger and that damned biological clock wasn't ticking away, I might have time to try to reverse this on my own, without medical intervention. If I had time to lose a lot of weight I might start ovulating all on my own. But I don't have years to work on this. Not with that 35 year deadline staring at me.
So I am fertility challenged. I can get pregnant, I just need help.
Because in the end, it's all about how you see something.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
The dog sitting begins...
I got up before the sun today and took my Mom to the airport. For the next ten days I will be dog sitting Sally, my Mom's Norwegian Elkhound. Sally is sweet, but she sheds entirely too much! She also tends to sulk when my Mom leaves. Right now she's sleeping in her crate, door open. This will be the case for most of my time here. Despite the fact that when I come visit (when my Mom is here,) she will not leave me alone and demands attention. I think she misses her Mommy...
After dropping my Mom off at the airport I stopped back at "home" to let the dog out. She's one of these that needs to be walked for bathroom breaks. That's not so bad this time of the year, but in the winter or heat of the summer it can be a pain. Not to mention when it rains! So anyways, I come back from our walk and find that while I was taking my Mom to the airport she'd had a number two accident on my Mom's Turkish carpet. This carpet was bought in Turkey during my Mom's European vacation. It's gorgeous and expensive! And the dog dropped some very gross and runny number two on it. And guess how I found it... If you guessed that I stepped in it and then proceeded to track it across the floor, you are correct. Ewwww.
So now, I'm already running late for work and I have to clean up dog shit, less that three hours into my first day of dog sitting. Hopefully this will not be the trend...
Tomorrow's agenda is frame making during the day and visiting the husband and cat in the evening.
Here's a picture of the puppy I'm sitting for....
After dropping my Mom off at the airport I stopped back at "home" to let the dog out. She's one of these that needs to be walked for bathroom breaks. That's not so bad this time of the year, but in the winter or heat of the summer it can be a pain. Not to mention when it rains! So anyways, I come back from our walk and find that while I was taking my Mom to the airport she'd had a number two accident on my Mom's Turkish carpet. This carpet was bought in Turkey during my Mom's European vacation. It's gorgeous and expensive! And the dog dropped some very gross and runny number two on it. And guess how I found it... If you guessed that I stepped in it and then proceeded to track it across the floor, you are correct. Ewwww.
So now, I'm already running late for work and I have to clean up dog shit, less that three hours into my first day of dog sitting. Hopefully this will not be the trend...
Tomorrow's agenda is frame making during the day and visiting the husband and cat in the evening.
Here's a picture of the puppy I'm sitting for....
 |
| Sally loves car rides |
 |
| After she had a cyst removed from her front leg, she wouldn't leave the stitches alone and ended up wearing this cone for almost a month! The sunglasses were just an expression of my strange sense of humor! |
Monday, September 19, 2011
Information overload...
So I'm currently skimming two articles and two books trying to plan my upcoming diet. I've found so much conflicting information its kind of confusing. But today I found this formula for calculating healthy body weight. For woman: give yourself 100 lbs for the first 5 feet and 5 lbs for every inch after that. I'm 5'8" so my ideal healthy body weight is 140. If you have a small frame subtract 10%, if you have a large frame add 10%.
Then convert to kilograms by dividing by 2.2. For me that's 63.6 kg. For moderate activity level, about 20 minutes a day, a person needs about 25 calories per kg. So my daily caloric intake should be 1590 to maintain my ideal weight. Is it just me or does that seem a little high? That's the problem with formulas, they don't take into account you as an individual. But it does give me a starting point.
Now I need to figure out exactly how many calories I should adjust that to fit me. And how to break that down. And then how many carbs should I eat? That's confusing too. The recommended dietary allowance for carbohydrates is 130 grams per day. That's based on the minimum requirements for the brain. They then suggest to lose weight and maintain blood glucose levels a low carb diet is beneficial. That's only 20 to 30 grams of carbs a day. Wow. 100 grams less a day.
Now go to the store and pick up a loaf of bread, some pasta, or a box of cereal and look at the nutritional information. One serving of most of these things exceeds the recommended low carb diet limit. Exceeds. One slice of bread, the whole wheat nutty stuff. Wow.
I've decided to make a chart of the good and bad carb items. That seems like a good starting point while I work out exactly how much of what I should eat. And a phone call to my sister who always seems to know everything about anything is in order.
Then convert to kilograms by dividing by 2.2. For me that's 63.6 kg. For moderate activity level, about 20 minutes a day, a person needs about 25 calories per kg. So my daily caloric intake should be 1590 to maintain my ideal weight. Is it just me or does that seem a little high? That's the problem with formulas, they don't take into account you as an individual. But it does give me a starting point.
Now I need to figure out exactly how many calories I should adjust that to fit me. And how to break that down. And then how many carbs should I eat? That's confusing too. The recommended dietary allowance for carbohydrates is 130 grams per day. That's based on the minimum requirements for the brain. They then suggest to lose weight and maintain blood glucose levels a low carb diet is beneficial. That's only 20 to 30 grams of carbs a day. Wow. 100 grams less a day.
Now go to the store and pick up a loaf of bread, some pasta, or a box of cereal and look at the nutritional information. One serving of most of these things exceeds the recommended low carb diet limit. Exceeds. One slice of bread, the whole wheat nutty stuff. Wow.
I've decided to make a chart of the good and bad carb items. That seems like a good starting point while I work out exactly how much of what I should eat. And a phone call to my sister who always seems to know everything about anything is in order.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Pretty as a postcard
A few posts ago I mentioned the great postcards my Grandmother had left me. I also mentioned I wanted to frame a couple and that I was going to make my own frames and just forget the glass. Today I made more progress towards the completion of that dream. It had seemed like it should be easy to cut some card stock to make my own mattes. Haha! It soooooooo was not!
At first I started with a template. I had traced it onto the card stock exactly where I wanted my opening to be. Then I lined up a wooden ruler, the kind with the strip of metal on the end, and attempted to make a straight cut with an x-acto knife. I say attempted because no matter how carefully I went, that damned edge wasn't exactly straight. It probably would have passed inspection from anyone else, but I'm always hyper-critical of my own work.
So I went back to the drawing board and set out to find a paper cutter with the little-razor-blade-slider-do-hickey. I found one at Target.
This was the key to straight lines! Finally!
Once I had the mattes I chose my pictures. I picked three of my favorites and just taped them onto the matting. I think they look pretty good but only the finished project will really tell.
Next I headed out to the garage with my much-loved Dremel and my antique hacksaw (gifted to me from my Dad from his extensive tool collection.) I marked the boards I picked up and used the Dremel's saw attachment to cut as far through the board as I could, then I finished with the hacksaw. I haven't sanded, glued, or filled in the joints yet, I'll tackle that another night. But overall I think I've got a nice start.
I picked up a nice dark chocolate spray paint. I think a set of three of these will look nice on my dark forest green walls. To get some perspective on size, the opening in my matte is a little larger than 3x5.
I also picked up some much thinner strips that I might use to "dress up" the frame, but I want to see what it looks like when its done and painted before I give myself more work. I'll probably finish the first one Wednesday afternoon.
At first I started with a template. I had traced it onto the card stock exactly where I wanted my opening to be. Then I lined up a wooden ruler, the kind with the strip of metal on the end, and attempted to make a straight cut with an x-acto knife. I say attempted because no matter how carefully I went, that damned edge wasn't exactly straight. It probably would have passed inspection from anyone else, but I'm always hyper-critical of my own work.
So I went back to the drawing board and set out to find a paper cutter with the little-razor-blade-slider-do-hickey. I found one at Target.
Once I had the mattes I chose my pictures. I picked three of my favorites and just taped them onto the matting. I think they look pretty good but only the finished project will really tell.
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| Add caption |
I also picked up some much thinner strips that I might use to "dress up" the frame, but I want to see what it looks like when its done and painted before I give myself more work. I'll probably finish the first one Wednesday afternoon.
Friday, September 16, 2011
A new goal
So remember when I mentioned that I'd lost 30 lbs a while back? Well I'm pretty sure I've put at least 10 lbs of it back on. My scale is not super accurate so it could be plus or minus a few pounds, but basically about 10 lbs. All in all, that's not too bad. In a perfect world I would have kept on losing (or at the very least kept it all off,) but this is no perfect world and I don't have the time for a perfect diet.
I've decided to try again, but through different means. It might take longer but hopefully the benefits to my health will be greater. I'm going to change the way I eat all over again. This time I'm not going to so much count calories as try eating like a diabetic. Watching my refined sugars, carbohydrates, and starchy foods should work for me in two ways, weight loss and minimizing my risk for diabetes.
Right now I'm fortunate enough to not be insulin resistant, which happens with this condition, but that may not last forever. Keeping my diet diabetic friendly should help keep that added symptom away. I already have a family history of diabetics, and now PCOS adds more weight to that already present genetic slant.
Diabetes would add a whole new level of complication to my life. It already seems like with my thyroid and PCOS that I'm a frequent flier at the doctors office not to mention a human pin cushion! I hate blood tests! Plus,if when I am fortunate enough to get pregnant (positive outlook!) I am more prone to gestational diabetes.
So... Starting Sunday I'm going to begin my research and planning portion of my new eating plan. I'm want to find out exactly how much of what I should be eating. I also want to come up with a menu plan with options, and you know some of them have to be quick and easy. Once I have a little better idea of exactly how dramatic this change will be I'll decide if I want to ease in or just dive into it. But my goal is to start this transition next Saturday, the day after I get paid so I hit the store and stock up on all of my new staples.
The other thing about this is Tony. I don't want to have to make two meals a night so whatever I plan has to meet with his dietary restrictions too. He can't have salad, corn, nuts, seeds, and a bunch of other stuff. He also doesn't like a lot of the things that I do. But he's willing to try whatever I make at least once.
I don't have a specific goal as to how much I want to lose, or what size I want to fit into. I just know that I want to increase my odds of getting pregnant, having a healthy pregnancy, and decrease my odds of ending up with type two diabetes. But I have to change the way I eat, not just diet.
Once I've got my eating plan I'll share it on here. Then, I'll do a recap of my diet, any good recipes I found, and my progress.
I've decided to try again, but through different means. It might take longer but hopefully the benefits to my health will be greater. I'm going to change the way I eat all over again. This time I'm not going to so much count calories as try eating like a diabetic. Watching my refined sugars, carbohydrates, and starchy foods should work for me in two ways, weight loss and minimizing my risk for diabetes.
Right now I'm fortunate enough to not be insulin resistant, which happens with this condition, but that may not last forever. Keeping my diet diabetic friendly should help keep that added symptom away. I already have a family history of diabetics, and now PCOS adds more weight to that already present genetic slant.
Diabetes would add a whole new level of complication to my life. It already seems like with my thyroid and PCOS that I'm a frequent flier at the doctors office not to mention a human pin cushion! I hate blood tests! Plus,
So... Starting Sunday I'm going to begin my research and planning portion of my new eating plan. I'm want to find out exactly how much of what I should be eating. I also want to come up with a menu plan with options, and you know some of them have to be quick and easy. Once I have a little better idea of exactly how dramatic this change will be I'll decide if I want to ease in or just dive into it. But my goal is to start this transition next Saturday, the day after I get paid so I hit the store and stock up on all of my new staples.
The other thing about this is Tony. I don't want to have to make two meals a night so whatever I plan has to meet with his dietary restrictions too. He can't have salad, corn, nuts, seeds, and a bunch of other stuff. He also doesn't like a lot of the things that I do. But he's willing to try whatever I make at least once.
I don't have a specific goal as to how much I want to lose, or what size I want to fit into. I just know that I want to increase my odds of getting pregnant, having a healthy pregnancy, and decrease my odds of ending up with type two diabetes. But I have to change the way I eat, not just diet.
Once I've got my eating plan I'll share it on here. Then, I'll do a recap of my diet, any good recipes I found, and my progress.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Trying to hold onto hope
Most of the time I deal with this stupid infertility shit pretty well. But then there are these moments that just... Hurt. I have them more frequently than I'd like but they don't last. Especially if I'm at home and I can cuddle Frankie and lean on Tony (in no particular order.) Most of the time I have hope that things will work out and sometime in the next year I'll get that illusive positive pregnancy test. But sometime this black pit of despair just destroys that.
I had a moment like that today. I was in the car on the way to my class and I had a flash back of something that happened yesterday. My pregnant co-worker D had me touch this specific spot at the top of her very swollen belly. (I've never touched a pregnant belly before, at least not in my memory. All of the people I know who've had children weren't in the same state!) I didn't feel the baby move or anything, but just to know that that was a baby under there, and to feel it. It was awesome.
But today in the car when I thought about it again, this black wave of despair washed over me. The want of it was almost suffocating. I started to tear up. Then I got angry. Then I tried to let it go and tried to focus on the positive. It didn't entirely work but it made the pain a little more bearable. And then, a little while later, I came out the other side and found my hope again.
I'm pretty sure that this is a part of the grieving process. I'm grieving for the lost hope of a normal conception. An easy conception. And I'm still trying to come to terms with this diagnosis. With what it does mean, as well as what it could mean.
The rest of my day was fine, parts of it even great. It was just that moment, that short period of time when I was alone with my thoughts in the car. Later in the day I was in awe of a local high school's career center. They have a dental hygienist program, a nursing program, a pharmacy technician program. They even have an auto repair class room and a full restaurant. Not to mention the fact that just a little ways from the school, the students build a house every two years! A house! The school has nearly 4,000 students which allows them the funds for all of this stuff, but I kept thinking that I wished I'd gone there!
My class went well too, despite a few hitches with the room. The store my class is at is undergoing some construction and my classroom turned into a dumping and staging area. Thankfully the next three classes have been moved to a different location that is much closer to my house. The class is small, which makes teaching easier, and most of the students participated which is always a plus.
So not a bad day, just a bad moment.
Even so, I'm wiped out today. It will be an early bedtime for me.
I had a moment like that today. I was in the car on the way to my class and I had a flash back of something that happened yesterday. My pregnant co-worker D had me touch this specific spot at the top of her very swollen belly. (I've never touched a pregnant belly before, at least not in my memory. All of the people I know who've had children weren't in the same state!) I didn't feel the baby move or anything, but just to know that that was a baby under there, and to feel it. It was awesome.
But today in the car when I thought about it again, this black wave of despair washed over me. The want of it was almost suffocating. I started to tear up. Then I got angry. Then I tried to let it go and tried to focus on the positive. It didn't entirely work but it made the pain a little more bearable. And then, a little while later, I came out the other side and found my hope again.
I'm pretty sure that this is a part of the grieving process. I'm grieving for the lost hope of a normal conception. An easy conception. And I'm still trying to come to terms with this diagnosis. With what it does mean, as well as what it could mean.
The rest of my day was fine, parts of it even great. It was just that moment, that short period of time when I was alone with my thoughts in the car. Later in the day I was in awe of a local high school's career center. They have a dental hygienist program, a nursing program, a pharmacy technician program. They even have an auto repair class room and a full restaurant. Not to mention the fact that just a little ways from the school, the students build a house every two years! A house! The school has nearly 4,000 students which allows them the funds for all of this stuff, but I kept thinking that I wished I'd gone there!
My class went well too, despite a few hitches with the room. The store my class is at is undergoing some construction and my classroom turned into a dumping and staging area. Thankfully the next three classes have been moved to a different location that is much closer to my house. The class is small, which makes teaching easier, and most of the students participated which is always a plus.
So not a bad day, just a bad moment.
Even so, I'm wiped out today. It will be an early bedtime for me.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
What do I make of this?
So you know I have that doctors appointment on the 26th with Dr. C. Well today I heard something that scared the crap outta me and I don't know what to do. A co-workers daughter, A, has the same condition, PCOS. She's my age but she was diagnosed much younger. She also has more of the symptoms. I don't know if this means its more advanced or its just the luck of the draw. She'd told me she just didn't connect with Dr. C, that it wasn't because he was a bad doctor, just that she never felt very comfortable with him. Perfectly valid reason for changing doctors in my opinion. I know I would.
Today I asked my co-worker how her daughter was doing and she told me she was getting ready to have surgery. I'd heard and read that one of the treatment options for PCOS is to drill holes in your ovaries. This treatment is supposed to destroy part of your ovaries, and for some reason that is supposed to restore normal ovulation. (Am I the only one that thinks its weird that drilling holes in your internal organs is supposed to be a good thing?) Its not very commonly done but has a good success rate. I don't know for sure that this is what A is having done, its just an educated guess, but what her Mom told me next really scared me.
She told me that A's new doctor told her she'd been wasting her time and money with Dr. C. That he couldn't understand why Dr. C had put her through the cycles of medication because the never would have worked without this surgery because she has too many cysts. What do I make of this? She and I have the same condition but not necessarily the same exact damage to our ovaries. No two cases are exactly alike. Should I be worried? Should I just change doctors? I trust my referring OB/GYN and I don't think she would have sent me to Dr. C. if she didn't trust him. And his website has all of these wonderful success stories! Is it possible that A's condition is just that bad?
I told Tony that I think we'll keep the appointment and I will just ask Dr. C. about this. I just need to find a way to do it without insulting him and his staff. I don't think "hi, my friend saw you a while back and you put her through all this shit and in the end it was just a waste of time and money, are you incompetent or just greedy" is a good approach. Perhaps I just tell him that I read about laproscopic ovarian drilling and was wondering what it is and who is a candidate. And if I don't like him or his answers, then I'll look into one of the other specialists in the area.
Today I asked my co-worker how her daughter was doing and she told me she was getting ready to have surgery. I'd heard and read that one of the treatment options for PCOS is to drill holes in your ovaries. This treatment is supposed to destroy part of your ovaries, and for some reason that is supposed to restore normal ovulation. (Am I the only one that thinks its weird that drilling holes in your internal organs is supposed to be a good thing?) Its not very commonly done but has a good success rate. I don't know for sure that this is what A is having done, its just an educated guess, but what her Mom told me next really scared me.
She told me that A's new doctor told her she'd been wasting her time and money with Dr. C. That he couldn't understand why Dr. C had put her through the cycles of medication because the never would have worked without this surgery because she has too many cysts. What do I make of this? She and I have the same condition but not necessarily the same exact damage to our ovaries. No two cases are exactly alike. Should I be worried? Should I just change doctors? I trust my referring OB/GYN and I don't think she would have sent me to Dr. C. if she didn't trust him. And his website has all of these wonderful success stories! Is it possible that A's condition is just that bad?
I told Tony that I think we'll keep the appointment and I will just ask Dr. C. about this. I just need to find a way to do it without insulting him and his staff. I don't think "hi, my friend saw you a while back and you put her through all this shit and in the end it was just a waste of time and money, are you incompetent or just greedy" is a good approach. Perhaps I just tell him that I read about laproscopic ovarian drilling and was wondering what it is and who is a candidate. And if I don't like him or his answers, then I'll look into one of the other specialists in the area.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Sometimes I'm amazed by people
Today I took a phone call at work from a sales rep for the fertility end of our business. She was calling to check on what medications we were having trouble getting in stock. At the end of our phone call I asked her if she had a few minutes. She did so I told her about my own fertility challenges and about my upcoming appointment. We chatted a bit about the hows and whys and then she did something that floored me. She gave me her cell phone number and email address and told me if I ever had any questions, concerns, or just needed a shoulder to cry on to give her a call.
It brought tears to my eyes. It was so darned nice of her and I appreciate it so much. She doesn't know me and I'll probably never talk to her again, but that she would offer is a such wonderful thing to me. I really have been fortunate with my job. I've had some great experiences through it, and this is just a reminder of why I love the company I work for. The great people I met.
Speaking of people and my job... On Thursday I have my first technician training class of the season. The class is designed to help prepare employees for the National Certification Exam. Even though I've done quite a few of these now, I'm always so nervous the first day. And this one is no exception. In fact I think I'm more nervous than before. Why? Before the first class I have a meeting with the teacher for a local high school's career center.
For the past two years we've had students from this high school in one of our three sessions of classes a year. These are inner city students who plan to get technician jobs on graduation. We've worked out a deal with the school for them to sit in on our exam preparation classes and intern at our pharmacies. For the past two years these students have come to my classes and been disruptive and disrespectful.
The first year the students showed up without books, pens, or paper. Read magazines and popped bubble gum. Talked to each other and texted. They even lied to me and told me they were supposed to leave early one day. The most recent class I had students talking, texting, and sleeping in class. All of them expressed some really petty complaints about co-workers at their internship stores. One of the students told me they didn't see why they had to be there as they'd already done all of the work. This class I teach is basically a review session. You are supposed to try it on your own and then come to class with questions or problems.
After the last session I was fed up. I called the liaison between the school and my company and told her my problem. I vetoed the idea of just canceling the program as I think its a good idea in theory. We just need to work on the practice of it. Her solution was to invite me to her first meeting with the teacher for this new school year. Perhaps if the students knew going into my class that it was a review they might not be so restless and rude. Perhaps if they knew that they need to behave and not be disruptive.
I'm nervous about talking to a teacher about students I've never met based on two negative experiences with past classes. I want to find a way to make these classes work for both the high school students and my company students. I just don't know how to do that. And I don't really have a lot of suggestions. I'm not a teacher, I just teach a class. Perhaps I should ask the teacher to tell the students to behave as they would at a job. That they are going to be evaluated on their behavior as they would at any job. Maybe we can work out a "report card" that I can send to their teacher at the end of the classes that would count towards their grade. Maybe the students are just still to immature, but its worth a shot at trying to make it work
It brought tears to my eyes. It was so darned nice of her and I appreciate it so much. She doesn't know me and I'll probably never talk to her again, but that she would offer is a such wonderful thing to me. I really have been fortunate with my job. I've had some great experiences through it, and this is just a reminder of why I love the company I work for. The great people I met.
Speaking of people and my job... On Thursday I have my first technician training class of the season. The class is designed to help prepare employees for the National Certification Exam. Even though I've done quite a few of these now, I'm always so nervous the first day. And this one is no exception. In fact I think I'm more nervous than before. Why? Before the first class I have a meeting with the teacher for a local high school's career center.
For the past two years we've had students from this high school in one of our three sessions of classes a year. These are inner city students who plan to get technician jobs on graduation. We've worked out a deal with the school for them to sit in on our exam preparation classes and intern at our pharmacies. For the past two years these students have come to my classes and been disruptive and disrespectful.
The first year the students showed up without books, pens, or paper. Read magazines and popped bubble gum. Talked to each other and texted. They even lied to me and told me they were supposed to leave early one day. The most recent class I had students talking, texting, and sleeping in class. All of them expressed some really petty complaints about co-workers at their internship stores. One of the students told me they didn't see why they had to be there as they'd already done all of the work. This class I teach is basically a review session. You are supposed to try it on your own and then come to class with questions or problems.
After the last session I was fed up. I called the liaison between the school and my company and told her my problem. I vetoed the idea of just canceling the program as I think its a good idea in theory. We just need to work on the practice of it. Her solution was to invite me to her first meeting with the teacher for this new school year. Perhaps if the students knew going into my class that it was a review they might not be so restless and rude. Perhaps if they knew that they need to behave and not be disruptive.
I'm nervous about talking to a teacher about students I've never met based on two negative experiences with past classes. I want to find a way to make these classes work for both the high school students and my company students. I just don't know how to do that. And I don't really have a lot of suggestions. I'm not a teacher, I just teach a class. Perhaps I should ask the teacher to tell the students to behave as they would at a job. That they are going to be evaluated on their behavior as they would at any job. Maybe we can work out a "report card" that I can send to their teacher at the end of the classes that would count towards their grade. Maybe the students are just still to immature, but its worth a shot at trying to make it work
Monday, September 12, 2011
30,000 in the hole
Today, I had a patient come to pick up some fertility medications. She and I got to talking and she confessed that she is $30,000 in the hole and as of yet, has had absolutely no luck. She went on to tell me that she already has two boys from a previous marriage but her current husband has no children, so this is all for him. It really sounded like she could care less.
Now, with the size of the rock on her finger I'd say that money is no object for them, but still... If you already have two children and don't really care if you have more, why go through it all? Why spend all of that money? Why put yourself through it all? Fertility challenges can easily turn into relationship challenges. I've heard it said that there are two issues that will kill any marriage, money and children. And fertility issues are both, rolled into one.
Maybe she's just tired and disillusioned. Maybe its her husband's dream to have a child of his own and she wants to grant that wish. Maybe its none of my darn business. Either way I wish them luck.
Now, with the size of the rock on her finger I'd say that money is no object for them, but still... If you already have two children and don't really care if you have more, why go through it all? Why spend all of that money? Why put yourself through it all? Fertility challenges can easily turn into relationship challenges. I've heard it said that there are two issues that will kill any marriage, money and children. And fertility issues are both, rolled into one.
Maybe she's just tired and disillusioned. Maybe its her husband's dream to have a child of his own and she wants to grant that wish. Maybe its none of my darn business. Either way I wish them luck.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
My Grandmother's Memories
My maternal Grandmother passed away way over ten years ago. One of the things she left behind was a big box of photographs and her postcard collection. She had hundreds of postcards from all over the US and some from overseas thanks to my Uncle who was in the Airforce. Yesterday while my Mom and I were sorting those boxes of pictures I came across the postcards I got when things were divided up. I love looking at the old ones, the ones that are sketches from various places in the US.
Some of these are so pretty I've decided to make them into some wall art. So today I spent most of my day at the scanner. My plan was to get them all scanned in and touch up the discoloration and stains, find a way to fix the holes, and them get them printed in matte finish. Them I'm going to make my own frames. Our living room is so bright that all of our framed photos are pure glare, so I'm going to skip the glass, these are just copies after all, no need to worry about fading or dust. Then I'm just going to take some card stock and make some matting, and some trim to make the frame. I think a grouping of a few of these will be beautiful. We shall see how well this really turns out once I complete one or two, but these postcards are odd sizes so standard frames just won't work. Here are some of my favorites from her collection.
In addition to these beautiful postcards, she also left a lot of old family photos. I don't know who everyone is in all of them but some of them are amazing. Here are a few of my favorites.
My Grandfather passed away when I was in sixth grade from cancer. He'd been a painter (house not art) all of this life. Its impossible not to think that lead-based paints were to blame. Looking at these photos its hard not to see his face in my Mom's. My Mom tells me he had a great talent for drawing. I truthfully remember very little about him. But these pictures are a concrete reminder of who my Grandfather was for me. Aren't old photos wonderful?
Some of these are so pretty I've decided to make them into some wall art. So today I spent most of my day at the scanner. My plan was to get them all scanned in and touch up the discoloration and stains, find a way to fix the holes, and them get them printed in matte finish. Them I'm going to make my own frames. Our living room is so bright that all of our framed photos are pure glare, so I'm going to skip the glass, these are just copies after all, no need to worry about fading or dust. Then I'm just going to take some card stock and make some matting, and some trim to make the frame. I think a grouping of a few of these will be beautiful. We shall see how well this really turns out once I complete one or two, but these postcards are odd sizes so standard frames just won't work. Here are some of my favorites from her collection.
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| My Mom |
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| My Grandmother |
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| My Grandfather |
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| My Grandmother |
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| My Grandfather |
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| My Grandfather |
Saturday, September 10, 2011
My Saturday and a couple chances to laugh at me
So, last night I went to bed super early (for me) at 11pm. I really should have gone to bed earlier than that as I'm a big believer in a full eight hours but... I didn't. And of course I couldn't fall asleep. Because... Well... Don't laugh now. I freaked myself out. See I LOVE horror/thriller movies. But I tend to have an over active imagination. So last night when I flipped on the bedroom light I thought I saw a shadow out of the corner of my eye. It was probably just my eyes adjusting to the change in light or a hint of my new bangs getting in my view but...
I instantly remembered this scene in Insidious that my friend O and I watched last month when she was visiting. *Spoiler alert, don't read the rest of this paragraph if you haven't seen the movie and don't want me to give anything away.* There is a part in the movie where a medium comes to the house and enters the room of a child in a coma, his name is Dalton. She then stands there staring at the child whispering what she "sees" to an assistant who then translates it into a sketch. When they show the sketch all you see is a dark shadowy form with violent red slashes for eyes and mouth malevolently lurking above Dalton's bed.
So as I lay in bed in the dark I kept picturing that shadow. And hence, creeped myself out. Its okay to laugh now. I know I laughed at myself this morning! I finally feel asleep just after midnight only to wake almost seven hours later to my alarm. It wasn't even light outside yet, which always feels down right wrong.
I met my friend AW at a park in town just after eight am. I was late because I lost my keys. Only they weren't lost. They were looped on my finger, only I was carrying so much and half asleep so I didn't realize that as I dug through my purse that they were ON MY OTHER HAND. Its okay to laugh at me now too, I did. I was also late because Carmel was throwing yet another festival or something in downtown and all the roads were blocked. And the detour they were routing us to got me a little lost and way out of my way.
So I finally make it to the park and it is PERFECT. About sixty degrees and foggy. I love a refreshing hike where I'm not sweating my ass off in the heat, and fog is just pretty and cool. I remember telling people when I was little that I was walking in a cloud when it was foggy. I guess that enchantment never wore away.
I had a wonderfully relaxing and grounding hike full of AW and I attempting to be photographers, great conversations, and dumb jokes (mine, all mine.)
Example:
Me: Wow all of my pictures of that bunny are blurry.
AW: Oh I got a really good one here, its in focus and you can see those fuzzy things he was eating sticking out of his mouth on both sides.
Me: So you got the "bunny-money shot."
We both laughed, but even I admitted it was a bad joke!
Then I headed home to change and head back out again. Only once I got home I decided to lay down for a bit and close my eyes. I set an alarm for twenty minutes just in case I fell asleep, but my cat decided to be an ass-hole and every time I got close to dozing, he'd jump ON me and MEOW. Of course said cat has been passed out in my lap all night, you don't see me jumping on him and yelling. Rude cat.
Anyways, my Mom and I went to the mall next. Let me tell you, I hate the mall. I prefer to shop on-line, thank you very much. But she needed a gift for a friend in Sweden. She's going over on the 20th and I'll be dog-sitting for her while she's gone. While we were at the mall we went into Lids and I got Tony a new Eagles hat in celebration of football starting back up (his celebration, I'm just planning all the movies I will watch while he takes over the TV and lives and breathes football,) and to replace the one he left in Vegas. He loved it!
I also picked up a copy of Dead Island for the 360. I'm watching Tony play it now. I LOVE ZOMBIES! In this one you on an island in Africa and there has been an outbreak, the goal: you have to survive! Its cool because so much of it is just a "pick up any object and go to town killing zombies" type of game. I think we might have to get another copy so I can play with him, but we'll see...
After the mall, my Mom and I watched Megamind while we started our picture project. We have decided to go through ALL of our photographs and separate out what's mine, what her's, and copy the ones that are ours. She's planning on retiring in two years and getting the hell outta the cold mid-west so we're just thinking ahead. Personally I think if I do have a baby before that time she may never leave, but we shall see... Sorry for the ramble. Hope you could follow my tired, got-up-to-early-with-to-little-sleep writing. What did you do today?
I instantly remembered this scene in Insidious that my friend O and I watched last month when she was visiting. *Spoiler alert, don't read the rest of this paragraph if you haven't seen the movie and don't want me to give anything away.* There is a part in the movie where a medium comes to the house and enters the room of a child in a coma, his name is Dalton. She then stands there staring at the child whispering what she "sees" to an assistant who then translates it into a sketch. When they show the sketch all you see is a dark shadowy form with violent red slashes for eyes and mouth malevolently lurking above Dalton's bed.
So as I lay in bed in the dark I kept picturing that shadow. And hence, creeped myself out. Its okay to laugh now. I know I laughed at myself this morning! I finally feel asleep just after midnight only to wake almost seven hours later to my alarm. It wasn't even light outside yet, which always feels down right wrong.
I met my friend AW at a park in town just after eight am. I was late because I lost my keys. Only they weren't lost. They were looped on my finger, only I was carrying so much and half asleep so I didn't realize that as I dug through my purse that they were ON MY OTHER HAND. Its okay to laugh at me now too, I did. I was also late because Carmel was throwing yet another festival or something in downtown and all the roads were blocked. And the detour they were routing us to got me a little lost and way out of my way.
So I finally make it to the park and it is PERFECT. About sixty degrees and foggy. I love a refreshing hike where I'm not sweating my ass off in the heat, and fog is just pretty and cool. I remember telling people when I was little that I was walking in a cloud when it was foggy. I guess that enchantment never wore away.
I had a wonderfully relaxing and grounding hike full of AW and I attempting to be photographers, great conversations, and dumb jokes (mine, all mine.)
Example:
Me: Wow all of my pictures of that bunny are blurry.
AW: Oh I got a really good one here, its in focus and you can see those fuzzy things he was eating sticking out of his mouth on both sides.
Me: So you got the "bunny-money shot."
We both laughed, but even I admitted it was a bad joke!
Then I headed home to change and head back out again. Only once I got home I decided to lay down for a bit and close my eyes. I set an alarm for twenty minutes just in case I fell asleep, but my cat decided to be an ass-hole and every time I got close to dozing, he'd jump ON me and MEOW. Of course said cat has been passed out in my lap all night, you don't see me jumping on him and yelling. Rude cat.
Anyways, my Mom and I went to the mall next. Let me tell you, I hate the mall. I prefer to shop on-line, thank you very much. But she needed a gift for a friend in Sweden. She's going over on the 20th and I'll be dog-sitting for her while she's gone. While we were at the mall we went into Lids and I got Tony a new Eagles hat in celebration of football starting back up (his celebration, I'm just planning all the movies I will watch while he takes over the TV and lives and breathes football,) and to replace the one he left in Vegas. He loved it!
I also picked up a copy of Dead Island for the 360. I'm watching Tony play it now. I LOVE ZOMBIES! In this one you on an island in Africa and there has been an outbreak, the goal: you have to survive! Its cool because so much of it is just a "pick up any object and go to town killing zombies" type of game. I think we might have to get another copy so I can play with him, but we'll see...
After the mall, my Mom and I watched Megamind while we started our picture project. We have decided to go through ALL of our photographs and separate out what's mine, what her's, and copy the ones that are ours. She's planning on retiring in two years and getting the hell outta the cold mid-west so we're just thinking ahead. Personally I think if I do have a baby before that time she may never leave, but we shall see... Sorry for the ramble. Hope you could follow my tired, got-up-to-early-with-to-little-sleep writing. What did you do today?
Friday, September 9, 2011
Happy Weekend!
Hope everyone enjoys their weekend. I'm off to bed early so I can get up early and grab some time with a good friend in the great outdoors. Hopefully its not raining when I get up, crossing my fingers...
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Shameless rant
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| Sleepy kitty |
Today really took in out of me. And while there wasn't anything specific to blame, lots of little things conspired to make today just down right draining. It started with me being late to work. Only by three minutes, but I hate being late, it seems to make the rest of the day feel out of rhythm. This is the second time I've been late since they started construction on one of the intersections on my way to work. There is a electronic traffic sign before the intersection warning you that traffic patterns have changed, and what lanes go where. There is this weird divide with highway access on the far right and southbound traffic on the left, with stripped roadway and construction heaven in the middle.
Its been like this for over a week. And surprise surprise, people still can't get it right. The light (and it's a busy one) ends up with people trying to change lanes in the middle of the intersection at the last second. Or people trying to turn and ending up in the wrong set of lanes, backing up into the intersection and trying to get to the right side. I even saw a car turn into on-coming traffic on accident.
Today there was an idiot who tried to turn at the tale end of a yellow light. He didn't make it and the newly green lighted on-coming traffic didn't even slow down. He ended up stuck between the highway lane and the southbound lanes. He was freaking out the other drivers. People would get close and finally see him and slam on their breaks, which made all the drivers behind them do the same. He was still trying to get himself out of his predicament by the time I got through the light. Normal this is an easy light. You never get stuck at it. Today it only took me three greens before I could get through (that's sarcasm in case it didn't come through in print.)
Idiot drivers!
Once I finally made it to work it was just a bunch of little things that kept piling up. Some of them really stupid and nit-picky of me but once I'm really irritated its hard to snap out of it. (Any one else like that?) For instance, someone had left a ladder sitting in front of the diabetic needs products. It has been there for two days now. I know they are working on the section but it seems like every patient needs something that's right behind that damned ladder. I keep meaning to stick it in the stockroom, but I rarely get a chance. And really, its not my job to clean up after others. If I'd brought out the ladder you can bet I'd have put it back when I was done.
And where the ladder is... SMELLS BAD. We think a mouse died in the wall (ewwww.) The pest control company came and told us to give it a few days and the smell would go away. Its been nearly two weeks... It stinks just as bad, just not quite as strong.
And... Every difficult patient we have called or came in today.
And... We got really busy when my pharmacist stepped out to use the bathroom and when he came back he got stuck on the phone with someone for a long time so it was almost like I was by myself.
And... That person he got stuck on the phone with called four times today. And she loves to talk. And talk. And talk...
And... And. And!
By the time I got off of work all I could think about was going home, eating dinner, and passing the f. out. But of course I had more work to do once I got home. My next round of pharmacy technician certification classes (I teach them) starts next Thursday and I have some prep work that really should be done before the weekend. But Monday's going to have to be good enough because after an hour of working on it, I'm done...
I forced myself to stay awake until my laundry finished, and now it is. So I'm going to go get ready for bed. I'm sure I'll be asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Sorry for the rant.
On a positive note... I stumbled across a blog today. The Bloggess. The author is a columnist in Houston. I was linked to her website by another blogger to this post. And then I read a little more and found this one and this one. And I'm hooked. This woman is "funny as all heck and tarnation," (MSNBC's words but I agree!)
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
I wish Dr. C wasn't a he...
Confession. I prefer a female doctor. I've had female doctors since I was a teenager. My childhood doctor was a man, his name was Dr. Nice (isn't that cool.) I can still remember what his office waiting area looked like. The light-colored wooden shutters that framed the receptionist area. The ugly wallpaper. The antiseptic smell that mixed with something I now know as moth balls.
I never really minded going to the doctor. I'd gotten to know Dr. Nice pretty well when I was very little. When I'd been vaccinated for MMR I'd reacted badly to it. My Mom will tell you if you ask how freaked out she was when I started to convulse later that night, how the doctor made a house call to fix me up. After that I had to get my vaccinations in increments.
Well what child wants to get more shots? None. Certainly not me! But Dr. Nice had a way about him. He would give me a syringe without the needle and let me squirt water out of it. I thought that was the coolest thing. I remember bringing them into the bathtub with me later and squirting my Mom (sorry Mom.) He really was a great doctor. But...
I got my period when I was in fourth grade. I was the first of all of my classmates and it didn't take long before everyone knew. I remember my Mom took me to Dr. Nice because of my horrible cramps. By this time Dr. Nice was an old man, probably in his mid to late sixties. And here's me, shy and awkward, completely uncomfortable with even having a period. Plus I've been teased so much about it by my classmates the the whole thing feels like a curse. (I was still in the stage where I was so embarrassed I wouldn't even buy my own feminine products!) And now, to add to the humiliation, I have to go and talk to this old man about my period! I was mortified! I think even Dr. Nice was uncomfortable.
After that scaring experience I insisted on women doctors. Its not that getting naked on a table, clad only in a paper gown and blanket isn't embarrassing when your doctor is a woman, its just less uncomfortable for me if the doctor has all the same parts. I know its just psychological, but being comfortable with your doctor is important.
Last year I had my yearly exam and I'd been talking to Tony about how uncomfortable it is to put your legs in a set of stirrups and pretend you're anywhere but where you are. But Tony's been through so much medically that I don't think he even feels it anymore. I was relating this to my doctor and she told me this funny story.
Apparently when a man hits forty they have to have a rectal exam. She told me that one man fought her tooth and nail about doing it. He ended up relenting and letting her just getting it done and over with. Then she told him he should be thankful his doctor was a woman and when he asked why, she told him it was because she has small hands!
Of course she told me this whole story while she was down there doing those things with clamps and cotton swabs and such. Uncomfortable... But my doctor has a way of making me more at ease. And I know part of it is that she is a she!
I've looked at all of the fertility specialist covered under my insurance. None of the reproductive endocrinologists in the area are female. None of them. I find this fact surprising. But there it is. I guess its just time for me to get over my discomfort with a male doctor. And if I can't, I'll just have to grin and bear it. But I still wish Dr. C wasn't a he...
I never really minded going to the doctor. I'd gotten to know Dr. Nice pretty well when I was very little. When I'd been vaccinated for MMR I'd reacted badly to it. My Mom will tell you if you ask how freaked out she was when I started to convulse later that night, how the doctor made a house call to fix me up. After that I had to get my vaccinations in increments.
Well what child wants to get more shots? None. Certainly not me! But Dr. Nice had a way about him. He would give me a syringe without the needle and let me squirt water out of it. I thought that was the coolest thing. I remember bringing them into the bathtub with me later and squirting my Mom (sorry Mom.) He really was a great doctor. But...
I got my period when I was in fourth grade. I was the first of all of my classmates and it didn't take long before everyone knew. I remember my Mom took me to Dr. Nice because of my horrible cramps. By this time Dr. Nice was an old man, probably in his mid to late sixties. And here's me, shy and awkward, completely uncomfortable with even having a period. Plus I've been teased so much about it by my classmates the the whole thing feels like a curse. (I was still in the stage where I was so embarrassed I wouldn't even buy my own feminine products!) And now, to add to the humiliation, I have to go and talk to this old man about my period! I was mortified! I think even Dr. Nice was uncomfortable.
After that scaring experience I insisted on women doctors. Its not that getting naked on a table, clad only in a paper gown and blanket isn't embarrassing when your doctor is a woman, its just less uncomfortable for me if the doctor has all the same parts. I know its just psychological, but being comfortable with your doctor is important.
Last year I had my yearly exam and I'd been talking to Tony about how uncomfortable it is to put your legs in a set of stirrups and pretend you're anywhere but where you are. But Tony's been through so much medically that I don't think he even feels it anymore. I was relating this to my doctor and she told me this funny story.
Apparently when a man hits forty they have to have a rectal exam. She told me that one man fought her tooth and nail about doing it. He ended up relenting and letting her just getting it done and over with. Then she told him he should be thankful his doctor was a woman and when he asked why, she told him it was because she has small hands!
Of course she told me this whole story while she was down there doing those things with clamps and cotton swabs and such. Uncomfortable... But my doctor has a way of making me more at ease. And I know part of it is that she is a she!
I've looked at all of the fertility specialist covered under my insurance. None of the reproductive endocrinologists in the area are female. None of them. I find this fact surprising. But there it is. I guess its just time for me to get over my discomfort with a male doctor. And if I can't, I'll just have to grin and bear it. But I still wish Dr. C wasn't a he...
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Got my appointment
Dr. C's office called today to schedule my appointment. I was a little worried about when they would be able to schedule me, especially after the receptionist told me they were in a particularly busy month but the first available appointment time worked for me so I took it. Tony and I will be meeting Dr. C on Monday, September 26th and 10 am.
The receptionist then proceeded to tell me about a few policies and asked me to go on their website and print out the new patient packet, fill it out, then fax it back. She told me I had to have it in at least a week, preferably two weeks, before my appointment. No problem. I went on the website and emailed the pdf to work so I could print it out and get started, I figured all of my prescription records are right in front of me when I'm at work so it would be easier (thank you employer for the paper).
The patient packet is NINE pages. NINE. After completing them I couldn't help but notice the amount of duplication. It just seemed excessive. I know this is a specialist, but I swear I did less paperwork for my car loan.
One thing I did really like about Dr. C's paperwork is one particular section. It asked how I felt about not being able to have a baby. (Frustrated by hopeful.) How our infertility had affected our relationship (If anything, going through this together has brought us closer). If there was anything important I thought they should know about our situation. (Tony had linear scleroderma as a child.) And is we had any specific fears or concerns about our upcoming visit.
Its nice that their forms have this on them, a mini question or comment section. Its very easy to forget to ask something or feel like you are being rushed when your at the doctors. This way the original concerns don't get missed. Of course my big concerns are: is it going to work, and how much money are we really talking here? (I left those unsaid, I'm sure those are most peoples top two questions.)
I know that last one is horrible. Lisa, how can you put a price on having your own bundle of joy? But seriously? Have you seen the cost of fertility medications? Just the medications... Sure Clomid is cheap, but most of the other fertility medications are not. Just to give you an idea, I took a look at some of the more common fertility medications. These are cash prices from the pharmacy I work at. (Mail order though a specialty is definitely less expensive but in the world of fertility medications, time is of the essence.)
Quite a list, and all but two of them are over $100. Most of them are over $500. Times how ever many tries it takes. It adds up. One of my patients had a successful IVF procedure after years of infertility. She now has three beautiful babies, two boys and one girl. She told me they took out loans. Loans that totaled more than what she owes on her brand new, family-size van. Not to mention now she has three babies. THREE. Three times the dirty diapers. Three times the doctors bills. Three times the sleep loss. Three times the college tuition.
The receptionist then proceeded to tell me about a few policies and asked me to go on their website and print out the new patient packet, fill it out, then fax it back. She told me I had to have it in at least a week, preferably two weeks, before my appointment. No problem. I went on the website and emailed the pdf to work so I could print it out and get started, I figured all of my prescription records are right in front of me when I'm at work so it would be easier (thank you employer for the paper).
The patient packet is NINE pages. NINE. After completing them I couldn't help but notice the amount of duplication. It just seemed excessive. I know this is a specialist, but I swear I did less paperwork for my car loan.
One thing I did really like about Dr. C's paperwork is one particular section. It asked how I felt about not being able to have a baby. (Frustrated by hopeful.) How our infertility had affected our relationship (If anything, going through this together has brought us closer). If there was anything important I thought they should know about our situation. (Tony had linear scleroderma as a child.) And is we had any specific fears or concerns about our upcoming visit.
Its nice that their forms have this on them, a mini question or comment section. Its very easy to forget to ask something or feel like you are being rushed when your at the doctors. This way the original concerns don't get missed. Of course my big concerns are: is it going to work, and how much money are we really talking here? (I left those unsaid, I'm sure those are most peoples top two questions.)
I know that last one is horrible. Lisa, how can you put a price on having your own bundle of joy? But seriously? Have you seen the cost of fertility medications? Just the medications... Sure Clomid is cheap, but most of the other fertility medications are not. Just to give you an idea, I took a look at some of the more common fertility medications. These are cash prices from the pharmacy I work at. (Mail order though a specialty is definitely less expensive but in the world of fertility medications, time is of the essence.)
Follistim (works to grow follicles)
one treatment of the middle of the road strength
$996.09
Menopur (works to grow and mature follicles)
one treatment ranges from
$599.69 to over $4,000.00
(I sold on RX today where the patient was using seven vials a day for five days, her RX was $4,950 and some odd cents)
Ovidrel (taken after either of the above to stimulate ovulation)
$102.99
And that's just three of the more commonly prescribed medications. But there is no way to tell how, or even if, a person will respond to any medication. If they all worked the same for every person there would be only one kind. But like every medication, people respond differently.
There are a lot of fertility medications. Lots of them work to grow follicles. A few to trigger ovulation. One helps to maintains pregnancy. And two to delay an ovulation to increase conception chances. Here's a list:
Bravelle
Gonal-f
Follistim
Luveris
Menopur
Repronex
Clomid
Lupron
Novarel
Ovidrel
Pregnyl
Progesterone
Ganirelix
Cetrotide
Quite a list, and all but two of them are over $100. Most of them are over $500. Times how ever many tries it takes. It adds up. One of my patients had a successful IVF procedure after years of infertility. She now has three beautiful babies, two boys and one girl. She told me they took out loans. Loans that totaled more than what she owes on her brand new, family-size van. Not to mention now she has three babies. THREE. Three times the dirty diapers. Three times the doctors bills. Three times the sleep loss. Three times the college tuition.
She told me one day, after yet another sleepless night, that if she had it to do over she wasn't sure if she would. That she loves her babies, but having three infants is just too much. She can't even go out without lugging around a major-league stroller and playing juggle the baby. Its so difficult to manage that she and her husband haven't left the house together since the babies were born. One of them always stays behind with one or two of the kids. She can't even get anyone to baby sit. Not even the grandparents want to accept that challenge.
She and her husband both are able to work from home. But how many people have that luxury? What would happen if I ended up with multiples? Its more common with fertility treatment patients. What would we do? Tony works from home. But I can't. And I have to keep working for the insurance if not the paycheck. Private health care is just too expensive. One more thing to try not to worry about ;-)
Monday, September 5, 2011
Is it over already?
Is my three day weekend really over already? Where did it go? I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow. Can I have one more day, please? Anyways... Hope everyone had a nice holiday weekend. I'm finishing the night by watching an old horror movie, John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness, with the cat crashed out in my lap. I know I've seen the movie, I remember the basic premise, but I can't remember a thing about what happens in the movie or if it was any good. I'll find out soon enough. Back to my movie!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
A quick word on Apes
Today Tony and I picked up my Mom and went for lunch at Ted's. I had a new item on the menu. The Avalon. Bison burger with gruyere, bleu cheese, smoked bacon, garlic aioli, arugula, and caramelized onions on an onion roll. (I had them hold the caramelized onions to avoid the reflux onions always seem to cause me.) Talk about yum! I hope they make it a permanent item!
After lunch we went to the theater to see Rise of the Planet of the Apes. The reviews were good. Even the woman who cut my hair liked it. And while I can't say I didn't like it, I can say I left with an empty feeling.
The special effects were amazing, and it didn't seem like there were doing things just because they could. Every special effect (except for one that really stands out in my mind) seems to move the story forward. This is something a lot of movies forget, don't do cool special effects just because you can, make them a part of the story. Make them bring something to the story. Tony and I talk about all the movies we've seen where it seemed like they wrote the plot around the special effects, or they deviated from the story just to do some cool shit..
The acting was good. The story was interesting. It is sci-fi which is always a favorite of mine. But I just never felt that "involved." I never really felt a bond with any of the characters. There were a few instances that didn't make a lot of sense, but over all it was a good movie. Just not great.
On the way home from dropping my Mom off we stopped at Target and picked up a monster DVD rack to hold our extensive collection. Tony sat on the floor and assembled while we watched Game of Thrones (on TIVO.) I'm only on the second book, but Tony's just started the fifth and he loves the series. The HBO show is really good too!
Our new DVD rack, all pretty and alphabetized.
Tomorrow we are heading back to my Mom's for a bbq. Cheddarwurst on the grill with corn on the cob and potato salad. Little mini eclairs for dessert. I personally can't wait for the potato salad. My Mom makes the BEST EVER. Her secret is two fold: little red potatoes quartered (unpeeled) and the sauce part, mayo and sour cream with a generous amount of dill. I kind of hate when she makes it because I can't seem to help myself. The last time she sent me home with left overs they didn't last the night... hehe.
After lunch we went to the theater to see Rise of the Planet of the Apes. The reviews were good. Even the woman who cut my hair liked it. And while I can't say I didn't like it, I can say I left with an empty feeling.
The special effects were amazing, and it didn't seem like there were doing things just because they could. Every special effect (except for one that really stands out in my mind) seems to move the story forward. This is something a lot of movies forget, don't do cool special effects just because you can, make them a part of the story. Make them bring something to the story. Tony and I talk about all the movies we've seen where it seemed like they wrote the plot around the special effects, or they deviated from the story just to do some cool shit..
The acting was good. The story was interesting. It is sci-fi which is always a favorite of mine. But I just never felt that "involved." I never really felt a bond with any of the characters. There were a few instances that didn't make a lot of sense, but over all it was a good movie. Just not great.
On the way home from dropping my Mom off we stopped at Target and picked up a monster DVD rack to hold our extensive collection. Tony sat on the floor and assembled while we watched Game of Thrones (on TIVO.) I'm only on the second book, but Tony's just started the fifth and he loves the series. The HBO show is really good too!
Our new DVD rack, all pretty and alphabetized.
Tomorrow we are heading back to my Mom's for a bbq. Cheddarwurst on the grill with corn on the cob and potato salad. Little mini eclairs for dessert. I personally can't wait for the potato salad. My Mom makes the BEST EVER. Her secret is two fold: little red potatoes quartered (unpeeled) and the sauce part, mayo and sour cream with a generous amount of dill. I kind of hate when she makes it because I can't seem to help myself. The last time she sent me home with left overs they didn't last the night... hehe.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Biologically Annoying Clock
I find it ironic that as young women, most of us spend our sexually active lifetime living in fear of an unwanted pregnancy. We take all of these precautions and if our monthly cycle doesn't come when its supposed to, we worry. We test. We feel relief over the negative results. When we want to get pregnant, to start a family, to have a baby, it seems like it should be easy. I mean, didn't we just spend all of this time and effort trying to prevent it. And (for me at least) it isn't easy at all. Oh the bitter irony...
So add in the fact that I found my love a little later in life. Add in the fact that we decided to see what would happen on its own. Add in the fact that I'm now in my mid-thirties. And what you're left with is me, hearing a very persistent ticking clock. My biological clock.
I know its possible to have kids later in life. I have a patient a work who had her first child at 37. M didn't plan on getting pregnant. It just happened. Her little boy is adorable. The most beautiful eyes, chubby cheeks and fat little legs, dimples and a sweet smile. I'm sure she doesn't regret her oops. But she didn't have an easy time of it. She had gestational diabetes. Her doctor told her it was more common in "geriatric pregnancies." Um, excuse me... Geriatric? Yup, anyone over 35 who is pregnant for the first time. My ob/gyn calls them "late life pregnancies." Either way, the fact that they have to have a "term" is scary and a little insulting.
It seems very old fashioned to slap a cut off on 35. Maybe in my Mom or Grandmother's time. When it was common to get married right out of high school or in your early twenties. When people had big families and started right away. But more and more people aren't even getting married until they are older. Heck, I got married at 29, my friend A at 31, my friend O at 32, and my friend SW just got engaged at 32. And I have friends that are still not married! More people are going to college. Getting masters degrees. Getting a career and a life. I think its awesome. I firmly believe that you have to have a life before you can share it with someone.
But it all adds up to time. More time in before the walk down the aisle. And then you want to have a year or two to settle into the marriage. Even if you lived together before getting hitched, its still a big transition to go from Miss to Mrs. A lot of people want to save up money, buy a house, get a good solid foundation before adding on to their family.
But biology has its own clock. And you can't reason with the human body. It has its own normal cycles. Heck, I have a friend who's only 41 and she's already started menopause! I want to be a mother so much. Having a family has always been my dream, my goal. I want to see my babies first steps, hear his/her first words. Teach him/her to read. Be a girl scout or boy scout leader. Be a member of the PTA. Have slumber parties. Birthday parties (no clowns ever please!) I want to watch my child grown into a teenager. I want to watch them become an adult, get married, have children of their own. I know I don't have to physically have a child to be a Mom. Adoption is always an option. But I really want to look at my sweet baby's face and see Tony and I in it.
So I feel my bodies clock ticking. I hear it echo in my mind every time I sell someone a prenatal vitamin, or see their new baby. And it seems like everyone is getting pregnant! My friend K's adult daughter just had two daughters of her own. And the pictures show that they are beautiful, but they weren't planned. My co-worker D is only a month away from having her little boy, he wasn't planned. My old co-worker A just had her baby boy last month, they'd only been trying for three months. My friend S just got pregnant, they'd only been trying for two months. I swear there is something in the water, I just must be immune... But not to the want of it. And honestly, its really hard to hear that so-and-so is pregnant. Its really hard to not be bitter sometimes.
I have my bad moments. When I want to scream and cry and curse something. But Tony is my anchor. He's been through so much in his life and he's not bitter. I honestly don't know how I would cope with losing a leg. And he did, and before he could drive a car. He spent the majority of his childhood sick with linear scleroderma. Linear scleroderma frequently starts as a streak or line of hardened, waxy skin on an arm or leg. Linear scleroderma tends to involve deeper layers of the skin as well as the surface layers, and sometimes affects the motion of the joints which lie underneath. Linear scleroderma usually develops in childhood. In children the growth of involved limbs may be affected.
In Tony's case it affected his left arm and leg. After the disease went into remission he had the amputation and had to learn how to use a prosthetic, how to walk all over again. But he's not bitter. He doesn't consider himself to be handicapped. He doesn't even have a handicap sticker on his car! In fact I sometimes feel like he does too much. Like when he helped his Dad move. But he is determined. And all that he's gone through has given him an outlook on life that is truly a blessing. Its one thing to say life is a gift, and quite another to feel it. In my life, he's my gift. And his positivity will help me through this, to find peace with whatever comes.
We have a nice home together, a nice life. And funny, adorable cat named Frankie.
Frankie is a Tonkinese. He thinks people are pillows. Right now we are using CitiKitty to toilet train him. CitiKitty is basically this plastic try that sits on the toilet under the seat, you put flushable litter in it and take away the regular litter box. After a week of your cat using the new toilet litter box you remove a small section of plastic from the center. A week after that you remove a little more, and so on until your cat is using the toilet and you never have to deal with a box of cat crap ever again. Sounds awesome right? Well Frankie is being stubborn and once we removed the first section he decided he will only go when we put him on the CitiKitty. Its a process, but it will be worth it when I never have to clean a litter box again.
Today Frankie was very scared. My Mom came over and we cleaned the carpet in my living room, dining room, and hallway. All of the small furniture was shoved into the kitchen and where ever it was out of the way. If that didn't freak the cat out enough, the carpet cleaning machine is LOUD. Poor kitty.
We also cleaned the interior of all of the cars. It was hotter than hell outside and I was glad when we finished so I could go take a break in the a/c. We'd done all but one car when we had to break so I could go get my haircut. First time I've actually gone to someone and not just had my Mom cut it in over two years (and my Mom is not a stylist.) Harmony did a great job with my hair. I wear it in a ponytail almost every day when I work. I'm on the phone a lot at work and when my hair is down the phone tends to slide on my hair and right off my shoulder. Dropping a phone on a patient isn't cool. Not to mention when we get really busy I get hot and long hair doesn't help. Sooooo.... Ponytail.
I'd decided about three weeks ago to get bangs to soften the severe ponytail I sport. But I have this awful colic in the front of my hair that absolutely prevents me from wearing straight cut bangs. I went to Harmony with the idea of long, side-swept bangs. And did she deliver! She razored long wispy bangs and added a few long layers that she blended into my super-fine, super-plentiful hair by razoring. It helped to take the weight off. My hair has better movement and body, and the bangs soften my wash and wear style. Love it! But... The bangs are something new and right now they are driving me bananas. Tickling my eyelid, getting into my eyes, and just generally annoying me!
We'll see how I like the bangs after I get used to having them again after about fifteen years without.
Tomorrow we (Tony, Mom, and I) are going to have lunch at Ted's Montana Grill. Tony absolutely loves their buffalo burgers. I love the pickle things they give you at every table. And Vanilla Cokes made soda fountain style with crushed ice. Yum! Then we're going to check out the new Planet of the Apes movie. Can't wait!
So add in the fact that I found my love a little later in life. Add in the fact that we decided to see what would happen on its own. Add in the fact that I'm now in my mid-thirties. And what you're left with is me, hearing a very persistent ticking clock. My biological clock.
I know its possible to have kids later in life. I have a patient a work who had her first child at 37. M didn't plan on getting pregnant. It just happened. Her little boy is adorable. The most beautiful eyes, chubby cheeks and fat little legs, dimples and a sweet smile. I'm sure she doesn't regret her oops. But she didn't have an easy time of it. She had gestational diabetes. Her doctor told her it was more common in "geriatric pregnancies." Um, excuse me... Geriatric? Yup, anyone over 35 who is pregnant for the first time. My ob/gyn calls them "late life pregnancies." Either way, the fact that they have to have a "term" is scary and a little insulting.
It seems very old fashioned to slap a cut off on 35. Maybe in my Mom or Grandmother's time. When it was common to get married right out of high school or in your early twenties. When people had big families and started right away. But more and more people aren't even getting married until they are older. Heck, I got married at 29, my friend A at 31, my friend O at 32, and my friend SW just got engaged at 32. And I have friends that are still not married! More people are going to college. Getting masters degrees. Getting a career and a life. I think its awesome. I firmly believe that you have to have a life before you can share it with someone.
But it all adds up to time. More time in before the walk down the aisle. And then you want to have a year or two to settle into the marriage. Even if you lived together before getting hitched, its still a big transition to go from Miss to Mrs. A lot of people want to save up money, buy a house, get a good solid foundation before adding on to their family.
But biology has its own clock. And you can't reason with the human body. It has its own normal cycles. Heck, I have a friend who's only 41 and she's already started menopause! I want to be a mother so much. Having a family has always been my dream, my goal. I want to see my babies first steps, hear his/her first words. Teach him/her to read. Be a girl scout or boy scout leader. Be a member of the PTA. Have slumber parties. Birthday parties (no clowns ever please!) I want to watch my child grown into a teenager. I want to watch them become an adult, get married, have children of their own. I know I don't have to physically have a child to be a Mom. Adoption is always an option. But I really want to look at my sweet baby's face and see Tony and I in it.
So I feel my bodies clock ticking. I hear it echo in my mind every time I sell someone a prenatal vitamin, or see their new baby. And it seems like everyone is getting pregnant! My friend K's adult daughter just had two daughters of her own. And the pictures show that they are beautiful, but they weren't planned. My co-worker D is only a month away from having her little boy, he wasn't planned. My old co-worker A just had her baby boy last month, they'd only been trying for three months. My friend S just got pregnant, they'd only been trying for two months. I swear there is something in the water, I just must be immune... But not to the want of it. And honestly, its really hard to hear that so-and-so is pregnant. Its really hard to not be bitter sometimes.
I have my bad moments. When I want to scream and cry and curse something. But Tony is my anchor. He's been through so much in his life and he's not bitter. I honestly don't know how I would cope with losing a leg. And he did, and before he could drive a car. He spent the majority of his childhood sick with linear scleroderma. Linear scleroderma frequently starts as a streak or line of hardened, waxy skin on an arm or leg. Linear scleroderma tends to involve deeper layers of the skin as well as the surface layers, and sometimes affects the motion of the joints which lie underneath. Linear scleroderma usually develops in childhood. In children the growth of involved limbs may be affected.
In Tony's case it affected his left arm and leg. After the disease went into remission he had the amputation and had to learn how to use a prosthetic, how to walk all over again. But he's not bitter. He doesn't consider himself to be handicapped. He doesn't even have a handicap sticker on his car! In fact I sometimes feel like he does too much. Like when he helped his Dad move. But he is determined. And all that he's gone through has given him an outlook on life that is truly a blessing. Its one thing to say life is a gift, and quite another to feel it. In my life, he's my gift. And his positivity will help me through this, to find peace with whatever comes.
We have a nice home together, a nice life. And funny, adorable cat named Frankie.
Frankie is a Tonkinese. He thinks people are pillows. Right now we are using CitiKitty to toilet train him. CitiKitty is basically this plastic try that sits on the toilet under the seat, you put flushable litter in it and take away the regular litter box. After a week of your cat using the new toilet litter box you remove a small section of plastic from the center. A week after that you remove a little more, and so on until your cat is using the toilet and you never have to deal with a box of cat crap ever again. Sounds awesome right? Well Frankie is being stubborn and once we removed the first section he decided he will only go when we put him on the CitiKitty. Its a process, but it will be worth it when I never have to clean a litter box again.
Today Frankie was very scared. My Mom came over and we cleaned the carpet in my living room, dining room, and hallway. All of the small furniture was shoved into the kitchen and where ever it was out of the way. If that didn't freak the cat out enough, the carpet cleaning machine is LOUD. Poor kitty.
We also cleaned the interior of all of the cars. It was hotter than hell outside and I was glad when we finished so I could go take a break in the a/c. We'd done all but one car when we had to break so I could go get my haircut. First time I've actually gone to someone and not just had my Mom cut it in over two years (and my Mom is not a stylist.) Harmony did a great job with my hair. I wear it in a ponytail almost every day when I work. I'm on the phone a lot at work and when my hair is down the phone tends to slide on my hair and right off my shoulder. Dropping a phone on a patient isn't cool. Not to mention when we get really busy I get hot and long hair doesn't help. Sooooo.... Ponytail.
I'd decided about three weeks ago to get bangs to soften the severe ponytail I sport. But I have this awful colic in the front of my hair that absolutely prevents me from wearing straight cut bangs. I went to Harmony with the idea of long, side-swept bangs. And did she deliver! She razored long wispy bangs and added a few long layers that she blended into my super-fine, super-plentiful hair by razoring. It helped to take the weight off. My hair has better movement and body, and the bangs soften my wash and wear style. Love it! But... The bangs are something new and right now they are driving me bananas. Tickling my eyelid, getting into my eyes, and just generally annoying me!
We'll see how I like the bangs after I get used to having them again after about fifteen years without.
Tomorrow we (Tony, Mom, and I) are going to have lunch at Ted's Montana Grill. Tony absolutely loves their buffalo burgers. I love the pickle things they give you at every table. And Vanilla Cokes made soda fountain style with crushed ice. Yum! Then we're going to check out the new Planet of the Apes movie. Can't wait!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Hello world!
Okay, so a friend suggested that I try blogging. I don't know how well it will work or if I'll stick to it but an outlet for my frustration definitely seems like an appealing idea.
My name is Lisa, I'm 33 as of this past August. I live in Indianapolis, IN but I'm a cheesehead at heart (born and raised in WI.) My husband Tony and I met on Myspace in 2003. Started dating in 2005 and we got married in 2008. About a year later we decided to stop birth control and see what happened. Now I knew I could have problems getting pregnant, I have a thyroid condition that has proven to be stubborn to treat. It's just hypothyroidism but I apparently am hyper-sensitive to the medication and its been a four year battle to get my levels somewhat stable.
After a year, I started reading books on getting pregnant and started charting. But it's very hard to chart when you don't get a period but once every three or four months or even longer. I was encouraged by my primary care doctor to "give it time." I cannot tell you how infuriating that sentence is! But I digress...
I decided to try losing weight. I kept reading that too much body fat can mean too much estrogen and a harder time getting pregnant. After about seven months of counting calories, eating less fast food and more veggies, and exercising regularly I'd lost thirty pounds. My periods started coming regularly. I started charting again with high hopes. I even got a positive pregnancy test (it turned out to be a false positive.) Then came the epic period. Seventeen days of heavy, horrible bleeding. I called my doctor primary care and she put me on something to make it stop. After three days it did.... For two days. Then it started back up like it had never stopped.
I was told to get a ob/gyn. This doctor ended up getting me in the same day I called despite the fact I'd never seen her, talk about awesome. She got me to stop bleeding by giving me three high dose bc's a day for a week. But she wanted to do more tests. An ultrasound, just to see what was what. It didn't take five minutes for the screen to show cyst-riddled ovaries. Even I could see it, and I'm not a doctor.
I'd read that a lot of people with thyroid problems have PCOS but I'd never thought it would be me. Never. It had never been suggested or even hinted at. I've had a PCP doctor for all of my life. Why did no one ever tell me about this? They started watching me for thyroid issues when I was 13! Every time something came up that could be a PCOS symptom it was always written off as thyroid related. No one even mentioned this!
I work for a pharmacy as a technician and we happen to be a fertility center. We sell all of those medications and I always take the time to talk to my fertility patients. I feel their pain and listen to their frustrations. Many of them told me they had this condition. It prompted me to read about this, to find out what Polycystic Ovary Syndrome was. After they left I always counted my blessings that it wasn't me. Well it was, I just didn't know it at the time.
For those that don't know, here's the basics:
Polycystic ovary syndrome is a condition in which there is an imbalance of a woman's female sex hormones. This hormone imbalance may cause changes in the menstrual cycle, skin changes, small cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other problems.
My doctor told me I just don't ovulate because of this condition. I was given the option of starting Clomid. Clomid is supposed to work very well in these cases. I was told my chances were very good. First we had Tony's swimmers tested, and they passed with flying colors. Next came the pills. 50 mg once a day for five days. The first round I felt very hopeful. Hearing that it didn't work was really hard. But we upped the dose and tried again. 100 mg once a day. Hearing that didn't work was even harder. But we upped the dose again and tried again. 150 mg once a day.
This morning my doctor called and told me very gently that it hadn't worked. She offered to try one more time with another dosage increase, the maximum dose of 200 mg, but in her opinion it probably would not work. I trust her opinion and if she thinks its done, it probably is. She told me about a reproductive endocrinologist in the same hospital network. Now originally I'd wanted to try to do as much as I could without going this route because of the cost involved. Well I've done what I could. Now I'm going to see Dr C. His office is supposed to call me sometime next week to set up an appointment. We'll see what happens then, what my options are.
I know all of the medications they use in these cases. I know how expensive they can be. I know I'm probably going to be learning how to give myself injections soon. I know how hard this is going to be. But if it can help Tony and I have a child of our own, it will be worth it.
My name is Lisa, I'm 33 as of this past August. I live in Indianapolis, IN but I'm a cheesehead at heart (born and raised in WI.) My husband Tony and I met on Myspace in 2003. Started dating in 2005 and we got married in 2008. About a year later we decided to stop birth control and see what happened. Now I knew I could have problems getting pregnant, I have a thyroid condition that has proven to be stubborn to treat. It's just hypothyroidism but I apparently am hyper-sensitive to the medication and its been a four year battle to get my levels somewhat stable.
After a year, I started reading books on getting pregnant and started charting. But it's very hard to chart when you don't get a period but once every three or four months or even longer. I was encouraged by my primary care doctor to "give it time." I cannot tell you how infuriating that sentence is! But I digress...
I decided to try losing weight. I kept reading that too much body fat can mean too much estrogen and a harder time getting pregnant. After about seven months of counting calories, eating less fast food and more veggies, and exercising regularly I'd lost thirty pounds. My periods started coming regularly. I started charting again with high hopes. I even got a positive pregnancy test (it turned out to be a false positive.) Then came the epic period. Seventeen days of heavy, horrible bleeding. I called my doctor primary care and she put me on something to make it stop. After three days it did.... For two days. Then it started back up like it had never stopped.
I was told to get a ob/gyn. This doctor ended up getting me in the same day I called despite the fact I'd never seen her, talk about awesome. She got me to stop bleeding by giving me three high dose bc's a day for a week. But she wanted to do more tests. An ultrasound, just to see what was what. It didn't take five minutes for the screen to show cyst-riddled ovaries. Even I could see it, and I'm not a doctor.
I'd read that a lot of people with thyroid problems have PCOS but I'd never thought it would be me. Never. It had never been suggested or even hinted at. I've had a PCP doctor for all of my life. Why did no one ever tell me about this? They started watching me for thyroid issues when I was 13! Every time something came up that could be a PCOS symptom it was always written off as thyroid related. No one even mentioned this!
I work for a pharmacy as a technician and we happen to be a fertility center. We sell all of those medications and I always take the time to talk to my fertility patients. I feel their pain and listen to their frustrations. Many of them told me they had this condition. It prompted me to read about this, to find out what Polycystic Ovary Syndrome was. After they left I always counted my blessings that it wasn't me. Well it was, I just didn't know it at the time.
For those that don't know, here's the basics:
Polycystic ovary syndrome is a condition in which there is an imbalance of a woman's female sex hormones. This hormone imbalance may cause changes in the menstrual cycle, skin changes, small cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other problems.
My doctor told me I just don't ovulate because of this condition. I was given the option of starting Clomid. Clomid is supposed to work very well in these cases. I was told my chances were very good. First we had Tony's swimmers tested, and they passed with flying colors. Next came the pills. 50 mg once a day for five days. The first round I felt very hopeful. Hearing that it didn't work was really hard. But we upped the dose and tried again. 100 mg once a day. Hearing that didn't work was even harder. But we upped the dose again and tried again. 150 mg once a day.
This morning my doctor called and told me very gently that it hadn't worked. She offered to try one more time with another dosage increase, the maximum dose of 200 mg, but in her opinion it probably would not work. I trust her opinion and if she thinks its done, it probably is. She told me about a reproductive endocrinologist in the same hospital network. Now originally I'd wanted to try to do as much as I could without going this route because of the cost involved. Well I've done what I could. Now I'm going to see Dr C. His office is supposed to call me sometime next week to set up an appointment. We'll see what happens then, what my options are.
I know all of the medications they use in these cases. I know how expensive they can be. I know I'm probably going to be learning how to give myself injections soon. I know how hard this is going to be. But if it can help Tony and I have a child of our own, it will be worth it.
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